12/18/2012

An Unexpected Debateable Movie (part 1)

Note: Do not read this post yet if you have yet to see The Hobbit, but please come back and comment afer you've seen it.

Well, I am arguably the biggest Tolkien fan I know, and have the LOTR posters on my wall to attest to it. So, I went into An Unexpected Journey assuming the dissatisfied critics were wrong, like most fans of a big fandom probably do. Need I say, I came out of it giving those critics much more credit than I had thought possible.
To review: The source material, The Hobbit, is written for preteens. (The original reviewer is said to be the publisher's six-seven year old son.) the text is full of asides from the narrator, humor of dialogue, and is mainly about how Bilbo grows as a character and by extension learns to appreciate what he has.
In consequence, AUJ has no business being what it is, which is a dark and stormy action flick mainly concerned with Thorin's unjustified beating-down of Bilbo's character, with very little humor of the clean kind.
To start off, my two biggest complaints were the recurring instances of what my brother refers to as "walls of text," wherein somebody is monologuing, and absolutely nothing is going on in the background. Walls of text are fine in novels, because they are often employed to give a complete description of the setting so that the action may continue unhindered. Ivanhoe, Ben-Hur, and Les Miserables are classics full of wall-of-text descriptions. However, monologues are definitely not something that really works in film. But AUJ has at least 3: Bilbo's superfluous prologue narration, Gandalf's modified-to-fit-your pronoun recitation of the "legend" of Bullroarer Took and the game of Golf, and Balin's recitation of Thorin's life story, which would have been slightly longer yet would have fit better had it been delivered by Thorin himself. But enough of this.
my other big complaint was that my first hunch regarding the clip from the trailer of Galdriel's and Gandalf 's dialogue was correct. It was spilling over with sappiness. Remember guys, Gandalf is a higher power in Middle-earth than Galadriel. She's only an elf. He's an "angel-thing." So you're going to say hi to the attractive lady? So do that, nicely, but you, Gandalf, have no respect for us fans if you're going to say something like "I'm never happier than when I'm staring at [Galadriel]" Ooh sappiness burn. and then it continued from there. By the end she was saying "I'll come when you need me" When he needs you?! WTB (what the blank)! Are you kidding me?! Hello! This is Gandalf we're referring to. Mr. Fire Wizard is by nature more powerful than Mrs. Mind Reader lady! And then she vaporized? While he was in a trance staring at her? WIGO(what is going on)?
To continue, there was the business of the languages. Yeah it was fun to see (and sort of hear) characters speaking elaborations of Tolkien's languages on-screen, But there were some hiccups. Namely, Elrond's entrance. I could not figure out why he was bothering to speak Elvish half the time, and then at the end of that scene where he invited the dwarves to dinner in Elvish just so they could get angry with him? WIGO? (side note: Did anybody else get a laugh out of Elrond's addiction to bright purple? Even his armor is purple) ;)
I am trying to restrain myself from hating on it, but there was just so much that jumped out at me... Like for instance, the map. In the film they cut the explanation of why the key and the map weren't given directly to Thorin. (Answer: because Thrain, who had them, was locked up in Dol Guldor and had lost his mind.) So Gandalf just hands them over and they cut Thorin's mostly justified shock, as in "Why do you have my stuff" Then later when they reach Rivendell, Elrond takes the map and glances at it, and then says "There are moon-letters here." even though the moon to see them by was behind a cloud at the time. ; /.
I liked seeing Radagast, mostly, but I couldn't get over the bird-mess in his hair and in the general story of part one he just seemed superfluous.
Also, I am very disappointed in the score for AUJ. I expected to come out clamoring to buy it or be gifted it, whichever came first, but by the end of the film, I realized that, aside from a couple of melodies that were too deep in pitch to crack my hearing level, I already own the score. Yes, it was the father of all occurrences of self-plagarism by my favorite composer, and I have heard several. Besides which, due in part to the fact that it either wasn't original or I couldn't hear it, the music did not help the movie, nor can I really remember any of it. Epic music fail. I did however, enjoy what I could hear of the songs lifted from the text, and the dwarves' Rube Goldberg mechanism sequence of clearing the table and washing up was very entertaining.

(whew. I 0guess I'll need another page to continue ranting about everything. To be continued.)

11/25/2012

Les Miserable (Trailer On Demand)

 





For some time I had intended to do a trailer review for the movie "Les Miserables", which is coming out on Christmas, but recently I have learned two things about it which can be described in a few words and may put you off it, if you ever wanted to go: " probably rated R" (ok so it's not but it's still a musical-I thought that was fishy) and "musical". Now, "rated R" and "musical" may seem to be mutually exclusive terms, but now that this film is being made, it's been done. Below, I have gone through the significant points of the cast you can see in the new international trailer, with notes.
  1. Hugh Jackman, best known as Wolverine of the X-men movies, portrays the protagonist Jean Valjean, an escapee who was imprisoned for stealing one loaf of bread rather than enduring starvation.
  2. Russel Crowe, famous for being Maximus from Gladiator, but who I know best as Jack Aubrey of Master & Commander, portrays the antagonist, the almost atomaton-like Inspector Javert.
  3. Anne Hathaway, most recently Catwoman in this year's Batman movie, portrays Fantine, a destitute single mother who has been forced to give up her child. 
  4. Amanda Seyfried portrays Cosette, Fantine's daughter, who is a major character because she's constantly being practically stalked by 
  5. Marius, portrayed by a guy I've never heard of, he is a central character in the book, mainly because he's the guy in the "guy chases girl" romance in said book.
  6. A couple of notable roadblock antagonists (a married couple of unscrupulous innkeepers) are portrayed by Helena Bonham Carter and Sacha baron Cohen
  7. In retrospect, it's not hard if you pay any attention to movies to see Carter in this role. She seems to be a specialist at the "Crazy, evil/twisted lady" role. Bellatrix Lestrange has dyed her hair blonde.
  8. Never in 50 years would I have guessed that Sacha Baron Cohen would land a role in an adaptation of such a famous book. Every time he makes that news, he seems to be starring in a new offensive movie in a role he probably wrote for himself. Either that, or he's making the news for acting stupid while "in character" from his most recent release. Total surprise, but the role is what he does all the time: obnoxious jerk.
  9. Samantha Barks, presumably another rising star along with Marius, portrays Eponine, the almost-grown daughter of Carter and Cohen's couple, who has a crush on Marius, but helps him win Cosette anyway.
  10. A character I missed in the trailer is Gavroche, a street-smart mid-teen who is Eponine's younger brother, but has lived alone in a decrepit monument from a very early age because he was fed up with his treatment at home. He is undoubtedly portrayed by a competent minor who can sing.
Please comment if you are interested in seeing a satisfied reader's take on the full trailer.


11/03/2012

Gotcha!

"Every man dies, but not every man eats a Snickers bar first."




"Some that live deserve ice cream, and some that died deserved good healthcare. But can you give it to them?"


"I wish it had not happened in my time."

"So do all who live to see such presidental campaigns. But it is not theirs to decide. They can decide only what to do with the bumper sticker that is given to them."


Aragorn has been convicted on thousands of counts of voter fraud. Monitors found that many dead people on the rolls.


I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me! A day may come when the courage of Mordor fails, but it is not this day! A day may come when we forsake our flatscreens and forge new bonds with barbell racks! But it is not this day! An hour of looters and shattered dreams, when Walmart comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we debate! By all that you hold dear on this barren and blasted earth that we're standing on at this moment, I bid you stand! Men of the West!