Alfrid Can Jump Off A Cliff...

Well hey, what happened here? I just remembered that my post from December concerning "Thorin, Kili, and Tauriel: The Moneygrab" wound up so long that I cut it off. I'm going to take the liberty now of finishing it off six months after it stopped being relevant. I doubt that I remember much of anything about it anymore, but we'll see...
  • See the title of this post...Not only is he an invented character, but he wasn't anything as a running gag either. By the second or third appearance I was thinking "Go die now. Disappear."
  • Somebody tell me why they spent so much time on the dwarves putting on fancy armor, but then when they do their heroic charge out of the gate, not one is wearing a thing stronger than chain mail?
 Some things I liked
  • Unlike a lot of people, I actually liked seeing the White Council attack Dol Goldur. Though there were some cons to that too-for instance, the wringwraiths being there at all to fight against was simply Jackson revising the history. Though you might as well admit, cliche as it sounds, "You should have stayed dead." is a pretty great line for going into a fight.
  • The one callback scene I liked was the moment when Dain's army arrives, as it is set up expressly to remind people of the incredible shot from the originals depicting Rohan's sunrise arrival at Minas Tirith, which is probably my favorite movie moment ever.
  • The one shot of the elf army jumping over the dwarf army was pretty impressive, and it made me think "Oh yeah!" Despite the fact it didn't make tactical sense b/c now the dwarves have to break formation in order to do anything.
  • Smaug's burning of Esgaroth was really fun to watch, but I would rather have had Bard's impossible kill shot from the book than the monologue-induced death we got.
  • Bard.
  • Martin Freeman
  • That little scene at the end where Bilbo and Gandalf smoke together and the acting tells you how they feel about everything w/o a word being said.
There you have it. I finally wrote that post. Now go ahead and enjoy this again...
I mean, it is ridiculously spot-on- pretty much exactly what I thought...