1/08/2013

A Mad Libs Post

I haven't much to say, so I thought I'd spam you all with a Mad Libs post. I think there are some lines in these that will make you enjoy it.

A Concert Review

Throughout last night's napkin, the cheering for the performance of Pearl Pizza was so deafening, you had to hold your noodles over your flowers. Many well-known moon rocks are calling it the fat concert of the decade. For their opening number, the band played their hit song, "Zawoogie," followed by their jiggly rendition of "I Can't Get No Goblin King." Then, as a tribute to the Beatles, they played several whales from the hit album, Sergent Pepper's Lonely Fingers Club Band. Unfortunately, throughout the performance, lead singer Joe moved about the stage like a caged dog, singing at the top of his cubicles, giving this critic a terrible toeache. However, the concert ended with the audience standing on their clocks and applauding mentally, forcing the group to come back for three donuts before the continent finally came down.

Next-Door Neighbors

We have new aliens living in the anvil next door. He is a horrible salesman for a pickle company, and she teaches chalk in a private house. Last night, we were invited to their hairy home for a potluck road. We brought a noisy lasagna casserole. After dinner, we went into their gracefully decorated family copy machine, sat in front of their roaring food, and toasted trees. Before we left, our host insisted on taking out his blue truck- which we mistook for an ancient whistle- to play a few country rocks on it. All in all, it was an ugly evening, and since then the four of us have become as thick as bombs.

1/02/2013

Bits And Pieces of Interest... Or Not.

Yes, I disappeared. No it wasn't for any particular reason. Following is a list of random interesting stuff that happened to me in... as many months as I can remember.

  •  (April I think) Read LOTR for the 7th time for no reason. Hobbit anticipation in high gear.
  • (sometime in 2011) became a fan of superhero movies. (May 2012) Saw and enjoyed Genetic Experiment, Mutant, Alien, Narcissistict Twit and a Couple of Covert Operatives Save the World from the Alien's Narcissistic twisted Non-Brother While Blowing Up New York City.
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  • Sometime in June I think: Finished the first draft of the story I had been working on for the past two years. Soon started on second draft and immediately got nowhere.
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  • In July I saw "The Dark Knight Rises". Experience: "What was I thinking?" The HISHE clips are hilarious though.
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  • By the end of Summer, failed to hit my goal of 30 books first-time-read. however, I did reach 27.Thinking of trying again this year.
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  • September: Celebrated Hobbit week by reading The Hobbit on the 22nd, and the LOTR again in the following 8 days. Permanently reconnected with (quite literally) my lifelong best friend.
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  • And December: 
  1. Overcame the last obstacle to graduating High School.
  2. turned 19. Celebrated with a really fun afternoon. Saw The Hobbit. experience: meh, let-down, it was ok. Try as I might, I simply can not say it was awesome when so much stuff was awkward and out of place. See "An Unexpected Debateable Movie, part 1" posted about two weeks ago.
  3. Christmas: I hope you all had a merry Christmas. I did. I received 4 CDs of classic Irish ballads, 2 long-awaited film scores, an "I Simply Walked Into Mordor" hoodie, and a "Walk Into Mordor" board game that the rest of my family hates...
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  • And then, on Jan. 1st. I saw Les Miserables. I know I said I would eventually do a trailer review, but somehow that sort of thing always slips my mind. I had read the book this summer, and it immediately claimed and kept the # 2 spot on my list behind LOTR. So yeah I was interested. The acting was awesome. The film, however, wasn't. It really should have been done in the non-singing fashion, although most of the big solos did come at times when you can imagine people would be singing. As if to remind you that it's a tragic story, Wolverine, Gladiator, Catwoman, Samantha Barks, Eddie Redmayne, and Amanda Seyfried ALL get a solo in which they cry while singing. There were some awkward points. Two big numbers came in the midst of the climactic fight, during which time was on pause. One was performed in a torrential rain even though before and after it for the rest of the film there was no sign of rain, and a character written as a teen was played by a 9 year old. That's a sample. Happy New Year.   

12/19/2012

An Unexpected Debateable Movie (part 2)

Well, it turns out I got my nitpicking rant out of the way on the first page (mostly). This page will be more concerned with what I did find fun, because I am capable of liking changes.
Although it was jarring to me that Bilbo was narrating it, I really enjoyed the opening sequence.  I had been longing for who knows how long to see the dwarf kingdoms in all their glory on-screen. (probably since the third time I read Gimli's description of the halls of Moria past). And I got what I wanted, big time. Also, Dale looked really cool and I felt it when it got destroyed by Smaug. (By the way, flying in 3D through Smaug's eyes was brilliant!).
The sequence of the Battle of Anzulibar (or whatever) was awesome. It is the best-looking Middle-earth battle to date, and the biggest and longest is yet to come in the middle of part 3. Epicness anticipation set to Sky-high. I never quite understood until I saw it on screen how an oak branch could be an effective shield. I still don't entirely, but it looked cool. I liked how he was carrying a branch during his "hero charge" at the end too. On the first of several side-notes, I really liked Azog "the defiler" too. I'm happy that he was bald instead of balding. Bald bodybuilders look so cool when they're entirely white...:). The only part that bothered me was that his facial war-cheiftan marks looked like he had had a waffle-maker pressed into his face. it wasn't the best look. It made perfect sense to me that he was out to get revenge, but I did have mixed feelings regarding whether he should have been alive in the first place.
Riddles in the dark was done brilliantly. It was another one that I had been waiting untold years to see played out, and it exceeded my hopes. Although I have to admit that as I watched it I wasn't seeing a shriveled creature, but a guy hopping around in a mo-cap spacesuit. Nevertheless, in that one scene, I would say Andy Serkis surpassed his performance in LOTR. I could see him going nuts.
On the subject of acting, I'll pause here to say I really enjoyed Thorin, even though they messed with his character. I find it impossible to say Gandalf was a weak point, because I don't understand the nuances of acting, and because everyone else says he was the high point. I'd only like to say he was grumpier than I hoped Gandalf the grey would be. They said he was fun to do?! I liked Bilbo too. What negativity I felt toward him was simply due to the fact that the way I read his lines was ingrained in my head. Though I think the writers botched the "and here's the burglar/hobbit" moment in the trees. What he wound up saying through his mumbling was "I'm with you because I have a home and you don't" which was a bit confusing and not at all what I expected. On a side note, he should have been more surprised at becoming invisible. It's like the writers simply forgot that he wasn't aware of the ring's power, or even that it existed before he picked it up. The writers gave us the impression that he was almost expecting to find an invisibility ring on a forgotten goblin trail. whoops.
I liked the whole Goblin town sequence, including the Goblin King, (whom fellow bloggers are now referring to as Goblin the Hutt.- great idea, James), who was a lot funnier than I expected, because I expected him to be dark and spooky and be covered in leathery scale-hide. Instead he's just "fat slob times ten" which works.
The two moments that nearly made me laugh out loud were seeing Thranduil riding a moose, and listening to Saruman monologue in the background about Radagast and mushrooms while Gandalf and Galadriel discuss the important stuff. The whole sequence of the dwarves' arrival was accelerated for length but I really enjoyed how they gave the first four different things to say which kind of introduced their characters. The sequence that shows all twelve companions raiding the pantry until there's nothing left was hilarious. It turns out 13 dwarves is just barely a small enough number to have a good-sized party. The five who got the most screen time were Balin and Dwalin, Fili and Kili, and Ori, I think. I can't tell him apart from Dori and Nori.
This film ended well, leaving me wishing they'd just make it longer. I was, however, bothered by the impression that Gandalf resurrected Thorin. What diid you think of that moment? Although in my opinion AUJ isn't a great movie in itself, it makes it's way through the slow part of the story well enough and leaves me wishing we could skip to next Christmas season already.
This is the end of my post. Merry Christmas.